I remember when i was a teenager having to get up at the unearthly hours that dairy farmers made their daughters wake up at... I would drag my feet to the barns full of anger and bitterness at everyone else sleeping. I would not take time to even appreciate the beautiful sunrise or that i would be spending time with my dad, instead i would feel sorry for myself and all the "insane cruelty" of being born into a family that loved me enough to make me work. I would often hear this song of being stuck in a concrete sea... and felt like the song was right - my life sucked - and i didn't deserve to be stuck in it.

Looking at my life now - i sure wish i would have appreciated the little things more instead of always thinking i deserved better and that my life sucked. I would love to go back to those days and enjoy the sunrise and enjoy the ease of being a teenager.

I would love to go back to when our boys Ethan and Andon were born. If i knew then what i would go through now i would have cuddled them more, i would have enjoyed the smaller things like reading on the couch with them, taking them to the parks and pushing them for hours on the swings - i would have pushed them even longer!

I would love to go back two years ago when i was pregnant, maybe with my last baby. I should have spent hours laying on the couch enjoying his movements in my belly. I cuddled Cohen lots as a baby, but wish i could go back and cuddle him for days and days. I wish i could go back before pain, loss, emptiness and loneliness entered my life.

"No one was meant to be

Living here in this concrete sea

Everyone including me

Wishes that we could be set free"